Steelers Place The Lotion In The Basket

Washington Football Team 23

Pittsburgh Steelers 17

Dark, wet and cold; the Pittsburgh Steelers found themselves stuck at the bottom of a well Monday night in the City of Bridges. Unable to climb their way out they were forced to comply with the Washington Football Team's orders and apply the lotion, avoiding the hose again, before placing the lotion in the basket. Frightened and alone, Pittsburgh were confronted by the blood on the wall; their undefeated season sullied and broken. While they screamed in horror, their captors couldn't help but laugh at the prize they were able to secure; the skin of another victim.

Not since The Silence Of The Lambs' Buffalo Bill quotes were first being yelled at undeserving CVS staff had the Washington Football Team last beaten the Pittsburgh Steelers. Waiting 29 years for the Steelers to get off to the best start to a season in the franchise's storied history, and have a concerning four and seven record yourself, before finally winning a contest between the two is the type of long-term shenanigans I can get behind. He who laughs last watches their whole life pass in front of their eyes before doing so again.

Down 14 - 3 at the half, Football Team came out the tunnel with a truly Football Team drive. Field the kick-off on a hop at the three and take it back to your own 18 yard line. Commit two penalties, backing yourself up to your own five with a 1st & 23. Over the next 10 plays, work you way to the opponents one yard line, get stuffed at the line three times in a row, go for it on fourth down and pick up a penalty before running it in for a touchdown on the following play. Easily the drive with the most character of the season, it was looking more likely Alex Smith's leg would fly off Anton Lubchenko style at 1st & 23 then result in six points.

Pittsburgh didn't look good all night. While their front seven looked like their dominant game-changing self for the majority, the secondary was leaky enough to give up costly plays down the stretch, something they can't afford to do if the offense has no run game and receivers are dropping balls all over the place in a dink-and-dunk passing attack. In the only summary you need for the context of this game, Logan Thomas, Cam Sims and J.D. McKissic combined for 24 catches, 260 yards and a touchdown. Better luck next week against -checks schedule- The Buffalo Bills. Oh boy. Keep the lotion handy, fellas.