Montana Money Men: All-Free Agent Team of 2021

With the majority of notable free agents already posting their contract-signing-in-front-of-an-LCD-screen-with-new-team-propaganda-in-full-force photo to numerous social media accounts, it's time to assemble these new team acquisitions into the best possible squad around; the Montana Money Men.

Located in the sleepy town of Lincoln, Montana, this 33rd NFL franchise may not actually play in the 2021 season, but meet together in a dilapidated hunting shack to compare contract guarantee amounts, play backyard football and discuss new real estate they've picked up in their new cities.

Coached by yours truly, the Money Men play a pass rush-heavy 3-4 defense and and quick fire Ohio River offense. Unfortunately, with flights to rural Montana coming at a pretty penny, starters and minimal depth will be all that are invited to this franchises inaugural get together. Hypothetically playing a 17 game schedule in the smallest NFL market imaginable, there are no doubts this team can rack up at least a 3-14 record for the ages.

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QB - Ryan Fitzpatrick

With no Tom Bradys to bend the knee for in return for some valuable cabinet-ware this off-season, we are rolling forward with the scholarly journeyman quarterback. Signing with the Washington Football Team, Fitzpatrick is onto his 9th franchise, making his nomadic history and 1840's gold prospector looks the face of a franchise Montanans will be proud of.

RB - Phillip Lindsay & Kenyan Drake

Limited to 11 games due to injury in 2020, Lindsay is a young do it all back that any team would welcome in with open arms. Starting his career of with two one-thousand yard rushing seasons as an undrafted rookie, Lindsay will have another chip on his shoulder to get back to his record setting ways in 2021.

Having a career year in 2020 the Las Vegas Raiders scooped up Kenyan Drake to back up the injury prone Josh Jacobs in the desert. Going from Miami to Arizona and now Las Vegas, we have been in contact with the hard-running back about getting him appropriate clothing for the get-together. He has since indicated he is not an idiot and understands climate and how it differs in different parts of the United States. In unrelated news, it has been decided he will be backing up Lindsay on the Money Men.

FB - Cullen Gillaspia

What cold climate offense can function without a hard nosed fullback blurring the line between running back and offensive lineman? Gillaspia is one of few free agent fullbacks signing to new teams and clearly has the stats to back it up.

WR - Curtis Samuel, Will Fuller & John Brown

Able to play wide receiver and running back, Samuel is the gadget man in the Montana Money Men offense. Breaking a thousand yards from scrimmage in 2020 he will play the underneath man as his two counterparts blow the lid off opposing defenses.

Every analysis of Will Fuller is both exactly the same and exactly accurate. When healthy, he is a thousand yard, Pro-Bowl quality, NFL pass catcher. Yet to play a 16 game schedule, let alone 17, the cold weather of Lincoln, Montana, surely can't hurt Fuller's chances of reaching his full potential.

Sneaky old at age 30, John 'Smokey' Brown is the veteran Fitzpatrick can rely on from the get go. With two thousand yard seasons under his belt the deep threat will be looking to impress coming of an injury shortened 2020 season.

TE - Jonnu Smith & Hunter Henry

New England signed themselves the two brand name tight ends in free agency and the Gronkowski - Hernandez comparisons are here to stay. With neither, understandably, wanting to be anything other than Gronkowski in this comparison, the Montana Money Men will instead be comparing them to the 2011 tight end room who hoisted the Lambradi after defeating said troublesome tight ends in Superbowl XLVI: Bear Pascoe and Jake Ballard. Expectations are high fellas, one step at a time.

OT - Trent Williams & Matt Feiler

Trent Williams is the best player in this years free agency and cashed in after doing his best to get out of Washington before the 2020 season. An athletic freak and perennial Pro-Bowler, Williams is a lock for Money Men team captain and has first dibs on camping chairs in the hunting shack.

With an asinine gap between Williams and the next best tackle available, Matt Feiler fills in as next best in show. Able to play both guard and tackle, Feiler will be an asset for the Money Men, but unfortunately someone has to pick last... the pots in the kitchenette can be flipped over for a nice little stool, FYI.

OG - Joe Thuney & Kevin Zeitler

Thuney cashed in with the Kansas City Chiefs this off-season, going from one championship pedigree team, New England Patriots, to the next he can expect nothing but the same in Lincoln, Montana, population 1,013.

A cap casualty by the New York Giants, Zeitler is a fill and forget guard that's not turning heads for good or for bad. Baltimore scooped him up ASAP in free agency and the Money Men will welcome him to one of the best offensive lines in football.

C - Corey Linsley

A first team All-Pro in 2020 for the Green bay Packers, Linsley will have no problems with the cold in the Treasure State. Joining Feiler in Los Angeles Chargers powder blue and gold, he will get to know the cold, crisp hands of Fitzpatrick before the soft, youthful mitts of Justin Herbert.

DL - J.J. Watt, Dalvin Tomlinson & Solomon Thomas

Able to abandon the sinking ship that is the Houston Texans, Watt finds himself in Arizona on a revamped roster as he looks to reassert himself as on of the dominant defensive play-makers in the league. Devastated by injuries over the last several years, Justin James can wreak havoc in a system like the Montana Money Men, even if they have to put up with some staged shirtless firewood chopping social media posts.

Swooped up by Minnesota, much like his new teammate Linval Joseph, Tomlinson will hold his place against the run and sneakily push the pocket on passing downs. Money Men pass rushers will be clambering to pat him on the back if he can eat up multiple offensive linemen and open up one-on-one pass rushes on the outside.

An afterthought in San Fransico's packed defensive line room, Thomas missed almost all of 2020 due to injury, but is a buy-low-sell-high signing most teams would welcome onboard with open arms. The third overall pick in 2017, Thomas has a starting position on a talent loaded line in Lincoln where he can work towards a block buster contract next off-season.

Edge - Trey Hendrickson & Carl Lawson

Hendrickson was hard to miss watching any Saints game in 2020. A magnet to the quarterback all year he now moves on to Cincinnati and hopefully wont fade away into rich-contract-poor-team invisibility in 2021. On the Money Men, he will be flying off the edge with reckless abandon trying to be the first to strike down opposing pigskin chuckers.

Somehow, still only 25, Lawson was able to cash in with Gang Green despite posting only five and a half sacks last season with the Bengals. Cursed with a high number of pressures but not able to tackle the golden goose, for the moment, Lawson can dream of his first double digit sack season while spending time at the Lincoln Library in downtown Lincoln; open until 7pm Monday to Wednesday.

LB - Samson Ebukam & Kamu Grugier-Hill

An off-ball outside linebacker by trade, Ebukam has the ability to rush the passer and play in coverage on passing downs. Not a typical inside run-stuffer, he has been an often forgotten play maker on a Rams team that was not short of difference makers. Here's to hoping an increase in snaps can lead to more production from the young 'backer with the now heavy pockets.

Popping occasionally in Eagles games, Grugier-Hill is another young linebacker who benefited from a talented defensive line scuttling offenses in front of him before coming in to clean up the mess. The glaring weak point on the Montana Money Men's roster, Ebukam And Grugier-Hill by far have the strongest names on the team, which drags everything back to even at the end of the day.

CB - Shaquill Griffin & Patrick Peterson

A Pro-Bowler in 2019, Shaquill Griffin will cover WR1 for the Money Men in 2021. An above average starter for his career in Seattle, he singed a large contract to move down to Jacksonville in free agency. Stopping by the hunting shack on the drive down to Florida, he can drop a few Benjamin's at the Scapegoat Eatery down on Main Street.

Being over-exposed the last few seasons in Arizona, Patrick Peterson might be done as a CB1 against premier NFL for 60 minutes every week. Still only 30, the 3 time All-Pro and 8 time Pro-Bowler has fuel left in the tank to prove his naysayers wrong. By far, the most accomplished of the secondary, he will be head of the table in the makeshift meeting rooms.

S- Anthony Harris & John Johnson III

Coming off a down year on 2020, Anthony Harris will be looking to get back to 2019 form this season. Dangled as trade bait after signing his franchise tag paperwork with Minnesota, Harris is yet to cash in on a massive pay day, his one year deal in Philadelphia this off-season will hopefully be his last of one year contract instability.

Instantly upgrading Cleveland's secondary, John Johnson III is a high volume tackler who can dabble in decent pass coverage along the way. Overcoming his families instance of carrying on his snooze-fest of a name, Johnson III has persevered and carved himself out a long NFL career, just the right mind set Montana Money Men upper management is looking for.

K - Matt Prater

Replacing Jason Elam in Denver and beating out future Superbowl XLIV MVP snub, Garrett Hartley, Matt Prater has had himself an impressive career. The sole owner of the NFL longest kick record, Prater has spent his career kicking in cold weather climates and will have no issues splitting the pines in the Money Men's backyard scrimmages.

P - Matt Haack

With a name like Haack, there is no need to look at the tape. Just Haack that pigskin to smithereens and see what area code it ends up in. NEXT!

LS - Morgan Cox

The Montana Money Men respect all NFL athletes and the team would not be complete without a long snapper. Licking their lips with the ten year veteran on the market, Morgan Cox joins the team as the only Superbowl champion to also be first team All-Pro. If you're nice, he might just let you have a glimpse at the ring...