Giants sufficiently chloroform defenseless Football Team

New York Giants 20

Washington Football Team 19

The New York Football Giants have finally arrived on the 2020 football scene. Dressed in an barely-drawn kimono, sandals, miss-matched socks and with the slight whiff of canned ham wafting closely behind, the Giants tried every trick possible to be ushered back to their win-less facility without too much of a disturbance, but the emergence of a delinquently nameless Football Team somehow distracted the authorities long enough to allow a momentary escape.

The Giants spent all day trying to figure out a new way to lose this one. Up 10 - 0 in the first quarter, the offense metaphorically shook hands with the officials and headed back to the locker room to wash the salty fragrances from their hardly sullied uniforms, leaving the defense to hold on for dear life. Able to score seven points of their own behind potential Pro-Bowler James Bradberry and surprise bright spots Blake Martinez and Kyler Fackrell, the G-Men thanked their respective gods that they were somehow facing a troupe equally as incompetent as themselves.

Allowing the Giants to look somewhat cohesive in any capacity is an indictment that the Football Team can't forget any time soon. Losing their last four meeting now to the New Jersey squatters should tell you everything you need to know about where this team is. Like Lieutenant Dan before his stint in South East Asia, things are going to get worse before they get any better -- some Football Team owners might trade in their stake for minority ownership of a seafood based fast food chain at this point before seeing how the exercise based activities work out in the coming years. Kyle Allen is a placeholder for another first round QB selection, they genuinely miss Adrian Peterson at age 35 and a young, decent defensive front might go to waste before enough pieces can be added to make this ship float on the Dead Sea.

However briefly encouraging this win was for Big Blue, there is little doubt that their caregivers will be escorting them back to their facility in the very near future.

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Noteworthy Notes:

- Jason Garrett, at least visually, might be closer to a paper route than a head coaching job at this point.

- Leonard Williams is as big a tease as you can get and I love every minute of it.

- Whispers drifting ashore from the North Atlantic suggest Darius Slayton and Terry McLaurin are brothers separated at birth, shining as lone bright spots in their respective dysfunctional families.

- River Boat Ron may have fallen overboard on Sunday, but problem gamblers are a persistent bunch if nothing else.

- The thought of either of these teams hosting a home playoff game next January is both psychotic and borderline probable. Equality reigns when a 5 - 11 Football Team bumps a 10 - 6 Saints outfit out of postseason festivities.