Castaway Found Alive After Three Months Lost At Sea

Houston Texans 41

Detroit Lions 25

An area man has been found alive three months after falling overboard a cruise ship in the South Pacific. Initially suspected deceased after falling from the water slide on the Ruby Princess, the unidentified man is being taken to Houston's Ben Taub General Hospital for fluids and observation. In a brief statement made to the media, the man said he survived the fall from the ship and was washed ashore a deserted island where he was able to eat small insects and consume his own urine for sustenance. There are reports he was 'licking his lips' while speaking of his island consumables. After leaving the hospital he was taken to his Houston home by police where he asked for the media to film him finally open his apartment door, something, he explained, he never thought he'd do again. Footage has emerged of the man rumbling through his pockets and bowing his head in silence. "My keys fell out of my pocket when I was on the slide", he noted.

In a Thanksgiving battle between the 3 - 7 Texans and the 4 - 6 Lions, mediocrity was the flavour of the day in a high-scoring affair in Detroit. Houston pulled away with the lead early in the fourth quarter to sink Detroit into a deep depression with on five games left in an up and down 2020 season. The Texans will take what they can get at this point, after falling down the stairs to start the season, they'll have to drag themselves to the front door and hope the delivery man doesn't leave before they can get there.

Houston has two recognisable players on the roster, a Hall Of Fame defender in J.J. Watt and a young perennial Pro-Bowl quarterback in Deshaun Watson. They combined for all five touchdowns Thursday afternoon, four leaving the hands of Watson and a magnificent interception return by Watt. While Watt looks more and more like his old DPOTY self each week, Watson's acceleration and agility leaving the pocket is at an All-World level. If he was surrounded by more talent at the skill positions and offensive line, Deshaun would be an MVP candidate year after year. Matthew Stafford has had a stellar career thus far, but if after 12 years Watson is in a similar position with his same team, people will be wandering what could have been in a more competent franchise.

Will Fuller's run-bounced-outside-before-the-lateral-pass-flea-flicker touchdown was one of my favourite plays of the year so far. Detroit tried a trick play of their own earlier in the contest but a Stafford drop on a well placed pass from Jamal Agnew short circuited the Lion's similar euphoric celebrations. Detroit will always have a Thanksgiving stinker to look forward to since they don't seem to be allowed to have nice things.

Detroit's offense moved the ball all game, but turnovers killed them early on. In eight plays they lost the ball three times, giving up 14 points. Adrian Peterson scored the Lions first two touchdowns and looked in good form coming out of half time, but being down double digits isn't a formula that equates to All Day snatching Emmitt Smith's rushing record, let alone catching up the greatest nickname in professional sport, the Inconvenient Truth, Frank Gore. If the remainder of the Lion's season was solely dedicated to Peterson getting every inch on the ground possible, I would be okay with that.

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- Matt Patricia looks like a guy who would enjoy sitting on his couch and watch as food crumbs gather between the cushions. The Ford family should get a store credit on that scented candle and give the man what he really wants for Christmas.

- The national television broadcasters grotesque fetishisation of statistics in the United States in a problem every presidential candidate should run on from now until we go the same way as the dinosaurs.

- On this Thanksgiving, I'm thankful there are 30 other teams in the league to focus on.